Finding Comfort in the Discomfort
Well, how’s it going with expanding your horizons? Last time we looked at how there will inevitably be discomfort when we are growing and learning new things. Understanding that discomfort is part of the learning curve is helpful, but I realize that getting “comfortable” with experiencing that discomfort is an oxymoron that is much easier said than done. So what tools do we have to help us on that first bumpy bit of our horizon expanding mission? Let’s take a look at a few reminders that we can give ourselves to help smooth out the path:
1. Accept the discomfort - we will be ok. First we need to remind ourselves that along with the discomfort being a “normal” part of learning, being uncomfortable is rarely an actual risk to our safety, so there is no need to ramp up the sympathetic nervous system too much. By consciously asking ourselves “in this moment, am I safe from harm?” we allow room for an interruption into our pre-wired pathways. This “checking” of our mind’s danger signals can help simmer down our knee jerk response to retreat and stop the discomfort rather than push through and pursue our learning further. Remember also that feeling scared isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it simply means we are about to do something brave and different.
2. Allow. When we allow ourselves to consider that being uncomfortable is worth sticking with, we allow time for new opportunities to open and become available to us. If we abandon our new endeavour too early, we simply don’t allow time for doors to open and new directions to become visible. Let’s use an example from the woods. Many trails start out difficult and in the trees. Maneuvering through branches and mud and puffing up steep hills for awhile is often an effort requirement, should we wish to get above the treel-line and enjoy the views. Remember that while staying on the pavement is safe and requires minimal discomfort and effort, it also offers minimal rewards.
Allowing ourselves space to imagine a new direction or idea is also important. Often we can feel the discomfort coming so we shut ourselves down even before we allow our new thought or idea to come out of our mouth -let alone take a few tangible steps towards it. “I can’t do that”, “I don’t have time for that”, “I don’t have money for that”, “I won’t be accepted if I do that”, and “I’m not ___ enough” are all quick shut downs designed to avoid the discomfort that comes with trying. So allow yourself a chance to put something different out there and allow yourself time with the discomfort that will come. You might be surprised how fast it dissipates and where that new direction will take you!
3. Embrace. Be compassionate with yourself, understanding that the bumpy times are part of the process and are not an indication of you being “not enough”. Lean in and use the discomfort to fuel your curiosity about what might be coming next. Remember that pushing it aside isn’t going to help us get to where we want to go, so put on your seat belt and just try to enjoy the ride! Perhaps you need to visualize a bull-rider attempting to hold on for the full 8 seconds - it can definitely feel like that sometimes. Remember that your mind can’t possibly know what could unfold for you, all it can do is compare to the past - but you’re looking for a new future - right? So remind your mind, you are ok with being uncomfortable, in fact, you not only accept the challenge but you thrive on it as well.
So the next time you’re expanding your horizons and a knee-jerk “no” or “I can’t do that” comes into your mind and you feel like retreating, just try holding on a bit longer. So much more is within our reach than what our mind allows us to believe. So go ahead and shoot for that full 8 second ride. And hey, if you get bucked off, you can always dust yourself off and try again next time!