You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone
Long associated with regrets, this saying reminds us to enjoy the moments and those we share them with - before it’s too late. But there’s another way we could spin this. Consider that it may also refer to the lightness and freedom we feel when we remove some of the heavy weights we carry with us. It’s safe to say if we’ve spent enough time on the planet, we’ve probably accumulated some “baggage” (identified or not). We may have carried it around for so long that we don’t even realize we’re doing it - until it’s gone!
This baggage can take many forms: past trauma, current turmoils, discontent in any of our relationships or a loss we haven’t finished grieving, unresolved disputes, dissatisfaction or demands in a career or training, or general unhappiness with something, someone or ourselves - just to name a few! Regardless of the type of baggage, the end result in the body is the same…you guessed it….stress!
We are often a bit better at recognizing the effects of stress on our body when it’s acute, but the more chronic type of stress responses can be a little bit harder to detect. We can develop dysfunction of the immune system (over active or under active), rashes, chronic pains, headaches, disease, become more injury prone, feel unhappy, etc, etc. Obviously, removing all stressors in life isn’t possible, nor does it mean that by addressing a few you will be fancy free and all symptoms vanished; but over time, identifying and removing some is certainly much better than juggling them all! This is one of the reasons that vacations feel so good. It can take awhile to come down from the hustle and bustle of regular life, but once we’re in a new environment and don’t have all the same patterns and demands, most people “magically” start to feel better. I shared with you previously that I tested out this theory on my dog - in the “change of scenery” blog post.
Sometimes we feel we are managing well and our underlying stress doesn’t affect us like we see it affect others; but my friends, I have a sneaky suspicion that it doesn’t mean it is completely “weightless” either. While we can make compensations and accommodations and build skills to cope with stress, the fact that we are doing so means it’s having at least a little bit of an impact. Think about what it’s like to carry around a back pack all day. While it may feel fine and may not have seemed overly heavy when you put it on (or maybe it did, but then you got “used to” it), what a relief when you finally get to take it off!
I have seen lots of people whose chronic tension, pain, injuries, and health conditions improve drastically once they resolve whatever the underlying stress is. Often we expect to feel better emotionally, but can be surprised how much better we feel physically as well. And it happens too often for it to be a coincidence! When big things are addressed, it often yields big results. However, even the “little” stressors that you are aware of but that don’t seem like much of an issue can be weighing you down. What do you “put up with” that perhaps others wouldn’t? The fact that you notice these things at all, means they probably affect you at least a bit and you might shock yourself at how much better you’ll feel without these little thorns - once you take them out.
To start digging for clues, notice how you feel driving to work, and then how you feel driving home. For some people perhaps a career evaluation is in order, for others, it might be a home evaluation. Do you need a big change to one of these environments or maybe just a little tweak? If it’s a big ticket item, it’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it - because you are worth it. Perhaps the underlying stress is something from the past that is high-jacking your present or future. Processing that sort of stuff can be tricky, so seeing a professional is advisable in those cases. Maybe you feel much better on some days than others - what is it about the events or routines of that day that was different and how can we shift things around to make more of those?
If you find you’re still having trouble figuring out where to start, you could also ask those you trust for their observations. They may not be exactly right but they may help. Oh, and just be forewarned… if they “accidentally” do happen to hit the nail on the head for you with something that you were in denial about…you may initially feel emotional or angry at them for having the nerve to even mention such an outrageous thing ;) Just like a heavy backpack, we sometimes need someone else to point it out to us or take our hand and drag us in front of a mirror so that we can see what the weight is doing to our body. If we still don’t believe them, we may get stopped by the gate agent at the check-in counter for our flight. We all know they’re pretty good at advising us that the “pretty light” carry-on of yours is not so light and not so carry-on size after all. If we’re not careful, as the stressors of life build, that gate agent might end up being a doctor with news you don’t want to hear. So don’t wait until then! Go ahead, be the one to leap outta your seat when they ask for volunteers to” check your bags through to your final destination”, and take a load off!