Would You Rather
We all want a life with choice, but our brain has a funny way of processing it sometimes. There are instances when we agonize over simple choices that really make no difference here or there, yet we waste our time debating them with ourselves or others. Sometimes we jump to conclusions and make a choice quickly without really weighing the pros and cons on each side. Sometimes it may feel like we don’t have a choice, but often it’s really just because we don’t like either of the options - so our brain decides there are none.
You may have heard of the game “would you rather”. It’s one of those late night sleep-over games that comes out around the same time as “truth or dare” - though I suppose by now these oldies may have been swapped out for scrolling on phones or making social media videos! In “would you rather” you get to ask someone to choose between two hypothetical scenarios and they have to tell you which they would rather do. Often neither option is desirable, but if they aren’t too crazy, you can actually learn a fair bit about someone when you play it. As adults, sometimes it can feel like a lot of things in our lives come down to a “would you rather” scenario. At the end of the day our careers, finances, relationships, family dynamics, work-life balance and health often come down to “would you rather” decisions. They are often of the “should I stay or should I go” variety. Is doing the same thing really working for me now or is it time to find another adventure? We weigh the pros and cons of each: our financial security with our work-life balance, perhaps our condition vs the side-effects of treatments, the love and joy in our relationships against the conflicts. We play a little “would you rather” with ourselves every single day!
When it comes to healthy choices, we often know the right thing to do, but perhaps aren’t willing to sacrifice the time to exercise, prepare healthy meals or skip the indulgences. Most medical and healthcare treatments are also not without a game of would you rather tied in. As an extreme example, in hospice settings, often patients are forced to make a decision of pain management vs ability to engage with their family and friends. Sure, there are medications out there that can take away all of our pain, but in some cases the amount needed to relieve it all would leave the individual in a sedated state, unable to converse and spend precious time with those they love. And so we need to decide which we’d rather. We play much less drastic versions a lot. Let’s not sugar coat things - sometimes the treatment process can feel worse at times than the condition itself. Sometimes side effects just barely eek out the intended effects. Sometimes in order to do an activity we want, we later pay the price physically or mentally.
When you feel stuck with a “would you rather” dilemma for your health, I’d encourage you to revisit the previous posts entitled Define Better Part 1 & 2. There we looked at how reflecting on what is important to you can be invaluable in your decision-making process regarding how best to manage your health in a way that is congruent with what you value. Once you know what is most important, your choice may become a bit more clear - maybe not enjoyable or optimal, but you’ll hopefully feel more comfortable with your decision.
When we are in a stare down about choices, thinking about our perspective can also be helpful. Is it skewed? Would it look different to someone sitting outside the situation? Taking a step back and removing yourself for a brief moment can allow you to view your circumstances a bit like an outside observer, rather than being the one caught in the middle. Your answer may become more clear. You can also “poll the audience” by asking those you trust for advice - but pay attention to how you feel when you listen to their reasoning. What’s right for your friend may not be what’s right for you - so be sure to let your gut response to their advice guide you too. There’s also the ol flip of the coin strategy. Some may think this is foolish when making important decisions, but it’s actually less random when you use it as a tool. I read somewhere that when you don’t know what to do, flip a coin on it. When the coin is in the air you’ll usually discover which choice you actually want. I’ve tested it out, and it is true.
For the times that we truly just don’t see a choice and feel we are forced into scenarios where it seems like there is no winning, we still have the luxury of choosing how we respond to it. We can respond with patience or frustration, love or hate, positivity or dismay. That choice is always ours, but it can be a tough one some days! I was recently reminded of a little story to help with perspective during difficult days. At a family gathering one night our conversation led to some reminiscing about one of my late grandmothers and some of her antics in her later days. She had suffered a series of strokes which eventually led to significant memory loss. For the most part, during our visits we could navigate that with a bit of humour, and it was some of those times that we were fondly recounting for the next generation at the table. My dad then reminded us that it was also very trying at times, but that she shared a lesson on choice with him during one of those difficult days that we should keep in mind: Because of her memory loss, she would very often repeat herself and ask the same questions over and over (which as you can imagine, could get a bit frustrating for those around her with sound minds). One day while they were out for a drive, she asked my dad again and again how many kids he had. Finally, after answering many times, he sighed and then responded in a slightly impatient tone. She was quiet for a moment and then said “I’ve asked that question before, haven’t I?” He told her yes, she had asked many times. A few more moments of silence went by and then she asked him, “Well, would you rather I keep talking and risk repeating myself, or would you rather I fall silent?”
I think I can speak for all of us who may find ourselves in similar situations one day, the choice suddenly seems easy doesn’t it?