Turn Back Time
Don’t lie, it’s ok to admit that when you were reading the title of this blog, you didn’t just read it, you had Cher singing the words in your head didn’t you? Perhaps listening to this song has the power to “turn back time” and transport you back to memories of 1989, but I’m sure your body doesn’t quite feel like it felt 35 years ago. While I am all for finding ways to continue doing what you love and not using age as an excuse for living your life differently, sometimes things happen that make the activities we used to do very difficult. With advancing age, there may be a slow gradual shift in your interests and the activities you participate in. In this case, often many of your friends are in the same boat and so you are less likely to experience feelings of loss and may instead feel quite fine about not doing what you used to do! But what about the cases when there is a more sudden (or premature) decrease in activity due to illness or injury?
People who experience this shift, rather than the slow “natural evolution of activity change” are more likely to have feelings of loss and grief surrounding what they perceive as their old life. Their life before whatever happened that took away some ability. Frustration and loss can be further compounded when these people attempt to return to activities they used to love, only to find themselves unable to do so (for example due to pain, energy levels, or other symptoms). As you can imagine, a lack of understanding from those close to them only serves to make matters worse and can highlight the longing for their old life even further.
If you ever find yourself in a position of missing your old self, obviously returning to your previous activities is preferable, even if they look a bit different; but if that option isn’t available there are things you can do that can help you fill that hole. If you know from many previous attempts that you’re unlikely to be able to return to an activity the same way you did before, rather than continually experiencing the frustration of this perceived failure, see if you can set yourself up for little more success. Get honest with yourself and your current abilities, and know that this might not be the case in the future, but it is the case for today. Next, try asking yourself a few questions about this activity that you long to do again. What exactly is it that you are missing? For example. if you miss running, what are some of the things about running that you loved? Maybe it was being outside, maybe it gave you time to clear your head, maybe you enjoyed that you did it out in nature, maybe it was the feeling of challenging yourself - the answer will be different for everyone and every activity. See if you can come up with one or two things about it that you loved.
Now, this next part seems funny, but rather than focusing on recreating the actual running component of running, let’s make the new goal be to find something that will recreate some of the feelings that you identified you loved about it. If it was that running got you outside for half an hour a day, is there anything else that you can do that can get you outside for half an hour? If it was clearing your head, can you brainstorm any other ways that you allow you to feel that same sensation? If it’s the physical exertion component, is there any other activity that you are able to still do at a high intensity? Once you have brainstormed and come up with something that you think might fulfill the part of running that you miss, do another reality check in. “Am I able to to do that?” and “How often do I think I can do that?”. So now we have both a new focus and a new goal - complete with the frequency of how much we are going to practice this. Will this shift in focus eventually lead you back to the exact activity that you miss? I’m not sure. Everyone’s life circumstances are different, but might it allow you to spend less time missing your old self? I certainly think it has a much better shot at it than continually beating your head against the wall did.
Living in the past is not the ideal and is not the goal of this exercise. It’s learning how to hang onto the feelings that make you feel like you, even if we have to find new ways to conjure them up. Breaking things down to achievable pieces can help you feel empowered again. And feeling empowered means just that, powerful. And when you feel like you’ve got a bit of that back, there’s no telling where it might lead you. We can’t turn back time, so rather than spending your days missing your old self, let's see if we can get your current self a little more excited about who you are now!