Shaping Our Experiences
Our lives are a series of experiences. Some positive. Some negative. Others somewhere in between. So what makes one experience positive and another negative? Initially we may think of the event that took place as the factor that dictates our experience, but there’s a flaw to that thinking. Many people encounter the same events yet have entirely different experiences. It is also possible to go through a difficult or “negative” event, yet still view the experience positively overall. Vice versa is also unfortunately possible. We can have a positive change or occurrence and yet come away with negative feelings about our experience. This means that an event is not the dictating variable when it comes to shaping our experiences. So yet again, the equation A +B does not always equal C! It’s our perception and perspectives that are the most defining variables in determining our experiences.
Even when we take an event that is highly unemotional and impersonal, such as a multiple choice exam, the experiences each of us have with it are rarely the same. Same event, completely different interpretations of it. Just cruise by the exit doors of any college exam room and you will undoubtedly hear a wide array of analysis and opinions about how this event went. Everyone’s experience will be different based on their perception of the test. In this example, our perception is shaped by a few things: our current knowledge of the subject, our previous experiences with tests, how we feel we did, and how much importance or weight we place on the outcome of the result. Notice that all of those factors are at least somewhat within our control. We can set ourselves up for a higher chance of a positive exam experience by studying, arriving prepared with writing implements, working hard prior to the exam so that outcome of this single event perhaps isn’t as important, training ourselves to perform well under these conditions, managing our stress levels, and ensuring we have eaten and slept (at least a bit!) before going in. All of these things will help shape our experience in a positive way.
Each event in our lives has its own set of emotional, physical and mental requirements. “Event” is used loosely and applies to many things: vacations and travel, meetings, interviews, celebrations, difficult discussions, sporting events, work days etc etc. When we put in the work to build our skills and gather the supplies we may need, we can set ourselves up for great experiences and positive outcomes. Even when unplanned events happen we can often draw on our toolbox of these skills to help us navigate our way to a positive experience.
That being said, we’ve all found ourselves in some not so great circumstances and sometimes that happens. However, I don’t know about you but some of my most fond memories have actually come from a few of these times. Finding the humour in our predicament, seeing the adventure in it, or problem solving our way out of it. All of these can change the vibe and alter our outlook enough that the overall experience “seems” positive - sometimes perhaps even more so than it really should have been! Just a couple weeks ago I went to do a mountain hike with a friend (a little too early in the season). The original “campground” we went to turned out not to be a campground at all so we headed out up the logging road to try to camp at the trailhead instead. Because of snow, the road narrowed and we ended up having to turn around a few km before getting to the trail (you know one of those 50-point turns on the side of a mountain) just as darkness was setting in. Camping in our vehicles at a little pull-out up there for the night in the cold, but wouldn’t you know it not all was lost! The company was good, the dogs could run free without the restrictions of campground rules, there was no traffic of course, and the views and the snowshoeing were great the next morning! On the surface driving for 4-5 hours to not be able to do the trail and camp up at the snow-line on the side of a road probably wouldn’t be considered an overly positive event. But I have to say, my experience was great! We were fairly prepared with a variety of gear so as to enable ourselves to be flexible with activities (and somewhat warm). We were willing to see the adventure in our predicament and change our plans (and our expectations) quickly. Of course many events in our lives are far more important and impactful than doing the trail we set out to do, but the lesson is still the same - no matter what path you may have found yourself on.
We are not at the mercy of the events that take place in our lives and we are also not at the mercy of predetermined perceptions. In many cases, we have a pretty good idea of what events are “likely” to arise in our near future and we can plan for those as best we can. Try to show up for “events” prepared and armed with the mental, emotional and physical skills (and gear!) you may need to succeed and navigate uncertain waters. And, importantly, be willing to roll with whatever happens! We don’t know how the universe may be using the events that unfold to guide us so try not to control things too much or you’ll end up getting in your own way! For the surprise unexpected events, use the skills you’ve already got and remember that even though we may not be able to decide which events come up in our lives, we can still have some control over how we feel about them - and therefore what our ultimate experience will be.