Define Better Part 2
Last week we talked about striving for better health, and how to answer the question “Is your ___ better?” The second famous “better” comment worth checking out is “I want my life to be better.”
Now that is a loaded statement when we break it down but we so often spin our wheels on that goal because we just say it almost haphazardly without any thought of what we actually mean by it. If you’re at a bit of a crossroads in life, wanting things to be “better” and realize that you’ve been parked there for so long you’ve backed up traffic for miles behind you but are still terrified to take a step for fear of going the wrong way, perhaps once you define “better” for yourself, your direction will become a little bit more clear. You have to really challenge yourself to to put in the effort and really define what better means for you. No la-te-da haphazard whatever the genie in the bottle or magic 8 ball will bring to me, you won’t get there doing it that way. I know I had to really challenge myself to define what better would mean for me - it’s not as straight forward as it sounds. “Better” is often linked with having more ___. Insert whatever noun you can think of and you’ve got a better to shoot for. I realized for me, in my early days, that “better” was often interchanged in my mind with “successful”. Now enter the ego driving the train rather than what you really desire for yourself. This is part of the reason people are so stressed these days. We’re off chasing what we perceive to be “success”, rather than what’s really “better” for us - the wall street dream, the multi-tasking career mom, the mansion, the 6-7-8 figure job. But when it comes right down to it, most people eventually discover that those things aren’t really what makes their life better.
Talk to someone who has had a life altering event or loss, because under that stress test, we realize what’s better. Better is more often linked with having more happiness, joy, laughter, fun and health and actually less “ego-driven things” aka… less stress. Get ready though! Because when you define better and make some of those important shifts in your life priorities, wow can your ego mind have a kicking, screaming temper tantrum. “What will people think?” “What a waste of your degree” “What a waste of your potential” “What a failure”. Let me tell you, I heard it all from the doubters in my head too, so I know it happens, and I also made the critical error of assuming that these same stories would end up actually being true. Let’s be honest, even though we shouldn’t, we all care a little bit about what other people think of us, that’s human nature. But to calm all the doubters in your mind, just consider: “what would I think if someone told me they got out of the rat race, changed their direction and figured out a way to do what they love in a way that didn’t cause them pain, make a decent living and who was happy and healthy?”. Pretty sure your conclusion would be wow!… “that’s better”. In fact that’s more than better that’s kick-ass AWESOME!
You see, when we’re chasing ego things to make life “better” we rarely get anywhere and wonder why. We forget we should first define better, then choose what will get us there. Sometimes someone else’s lawn appears better, greener, more manicured on the other side of the fence, perhaps even tended to by hired gardeners. But maybe you’re looking at the wrong yard, maybe deep down you don’t want to be stuck on some boring, perfectly manicured lawn when you could be out bushwhacking on adventures.
Before you go too far down the road of being frustrated and spinning your wheels searching for “better”, you need to take a deep breath and really, truly…Define Better.