Being Alone
“Being alone has a power that very few people can handle.” This quote by Steven Aitchison is so true, especially in this day and age. So many people are busy keeping themselves busy that they forget to test out how they are doing on their own. What happens when we get rid of all of that hustle and bustle around us? When we get rid of our social media platforms and “audiences”? What happens when we step away from our family and friends for just a moment, to think on our own and reflect on how we are, rather than focus on how we should present to others? Sounds a little spooky doesn’t it?! But it doesn’t have to be. Trust me, in time you’ll be ok with your own self - heck you might even realize you’re pretty dang cool after all. So let’s take a look at how to get started so we can handle these mysterious powers that come from within.
Certainly, connectivity and having positive supportive relationships is important to our overall health and wellbeing. So don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that you need to move out to the middle of nowhere and abandon human interaction until the end of time. But it can also be good for us to spend a little bit of time on our own. That space can allow you the opportunity to check in with yourself, think about your own goals and the direction you want to go. How’s your body been feeling lately - might it have anything to add to the conversation? Maybe you’ve been trying to stay busy to avoid some unpleasant emotions (that will probably keep coming back to knock at your door if you don’t acknowledge and process them). Maybe you are just running through the motions of your life rather than putting a conscious effort to focus on the things that fill you up. Maybe you’re finding that you’re more wrapped up in other people’s lives and dramas than your own. Being still with yourself can give you the opportunity to explore these things without the distraction of what you think others might think.
Perhaps one of the reasons being alone has a power that we aren’t all comfortable with is because we are all secretly a little bit worried about what we might find. It can be hard to force ourselves to take a step back and listen to the little voices in our head, deal with the emotions that might have time to rise to the surface, and reflect and reconsider about what we actually want. Sometimes, dare we attempt to hang out with ourselves in public, we can’t enjoy our time as we spend it worrying about what other people might think about us being alone and that we might look…“weak”. Oh, but if we only sat in our discomfort and tolerated it long enough we would quickly realize that in fact, it is the opposite. When you can learn to handle that power of being alone and the incorrect notion that others might think you’re weak, you’ll discover that it is actually a show of strength that few can muster.
As usual, when we’re developing new life skills and strengthening our muscles for tolerating discomfort, nature can offer the perfect place to start practising. We’ve already talked about the positive benefits of “forest bathing” in a previous post so you can check that if you like. Going for a walk in the woods or just sitting out on a bench or a beach for a little while can be a calming spot to help you get used to being with yourself. And remember, spending time in nature will also decrease your levels of stress hormone, so that should help a bit with your panic about possibly being spotted while you’re alone ;) . Nature also provides us with examples and a bit of direction and inspiration as we learn to be alone. In this case, I’d suggest you allow yourself time to notice what the trees can teach you.
Though they often hang out together, trees can also adapt to be excellent lone rangers. They have large root systems, keeping them grounded and stable, even during the strong wind storms that blow their branches and swirl around them. Their roots allow them to handle the heavy snow and find water deep in the earth to make it through dry patches. When they are too close together, none of them have a chance to develop their own good root systems. They get wound up with each other - and sometimes just a puff of wind blowing in from the wrong direction can be enough to take the whole lot of them down. So yes, hang out with others, but also take the time to develop your own good, grounded root system by being in tune with yourself. And if you’ve happened to have been blown down recently, all the more important to take the time to get to know yourself and take stock of what you’d like to do next. Taking the time to process what happened and think about what you want for yourself will help you set down some good solid roots. Then, once you’ve dusted yourself off, you’ll grow stronger and be much better prepared for the next time a storm rolls in.
The fact is, as certain as death and taxes, no matter where you go in life, you will still be there - so you may as well take some time and put in the effort to get to know yourself! Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first (but we already know that all growing comes with discomfort so we’re ready for it!). Yes, you might discover what you initial perceive as some “weaknesses”, but my friends I guarantee that you’ll also discover and develop so many strengths you didn’t know you had. Oh and one last thing I didn’t mention yet- you don’t always have to spend that alone time delving into the deep dark corners of your mind and evaluating yourself! You can also use that time to do something that you’ve wanted to do that maybe your friends or family aren’t interested in. Maybe go on an adventure or travel somewhere, maybe start a new hobby. You might just discover that you’re actually pretty fun to hang out with after all - the life of the party some might say! And that whispering you hear others doing over your shoulder? it’s really just jealousy and admiration of your strength so don’t be wasting your time worrying about that.